Self Contemplation

What a year, it really is crazy to me how much can change in that amount of time.

I'm happy. For the first time in such a long time, I can really say I am happy. The past few years, while filled with amazing wonderful things, were some of the hardest ones I've had. But sitting here, I honestly cannot stop smiling, and not because of any one thing but because I've accepted the truth.

I'm content with who I am, thrilled even. God calls me unstoppable, healer, compassionate, and living in that identity is what makes me feel fulfilled. Words, labels, and what the world thinks or sees are so far past meaningless that insignificance of that level cannot be quantified. This isn't pridefulness, it's basking in the light that God has always meant for me to walk in.

I know that I want to spend the rest of my life pushing others to chase their dreams and with the plan to be a collegiate advisor/counselor I can help kids that just need some help getting there. I know that I want to write. About my life, what I feel other people might need to hear. Stories that I've had in my head for years, fantastical worlds that I get lost in. I want to create something I find meaning in and share it with the world.

I want to be more of the person I've discovered in myself, I like her a lot. She's a hot mess and has so much to learn, but she tries so hard and doesn't quit. She wants to know how to better love the people in her life, support her friends through whatever comes and work like crazy to be the person she sees ten years down the road. She likes to wear her heart on her sleeve, live life like an adventure, and seize the day her on her terms. I want to love that girl, so I can be even more equipped to love others.

I spent the past three years letting someone tell me differently, try to convince me that girl was terrible and was someone that ruined things. Told me I should be grateful they hadn't walked away already and that I was selfish and controlling. A story much too long to tell here, but thank goodness it ended.
Granted I can be selfish, and I know I can be bossy, but these kind of lies are straight from the enemy. People like this are so lost in their own struggles that bringing others down with them makes them feel better.

What lies are you believing about yourself? Because if it's anything other than the purpose you were called to, the person you were created to be, or beloved child of the King, then it is a lie. You are loved, you are special, and most of all, you matter so much. Maybe you're having a down time in life, feeling lonely, or outcast, perhaps someone is lying to you about who you are right now. Let me tell you, the hard times are inevitable. But the good ones are even more so, they outshine dark days. That light won't make the bad go away and it doesn't mean things won't hurt you, but it can give you the perspective to see the shadows of other people's darkness and reach out to them in it. Darkness has power, so make it work for you, never does it deserve to overpower you.

I forgot those things for a time, but I don't think I'm likely to forget again anytime soon. I have some of the most amazing quirky friends, ranging from people I've not known long to friendships that are a decade in the making. I've got a heart to do what I love and I'm not stopping until I get there. And more than any of that, I have a God who loves me and works in everyday miracles to show me just how much. Life is hard, but that has never meant that it cannot be good.

I'm happy and I hope you are too.