The start of something new

Hey guys, it's been a while since I've posted anything and for good reason. 

The summer was spent sending countless emails, working, coordinating surgery before school started, and generally trying to survive. But now I'm here in Glasgow, it still doesn't feel quite real but it's starting to. More about that in another post, first we need to catch up.

Real talk, this has been probably the hardest and worst year of my life. I've had people hurt me and the people I care about in ways that I can't fix or reconcile, and I had to go through the process of forgiving them anyways even though they probably won't ever do the same for me. My health once again tried to derail my life, a new diagnosis and I learned some very hard truths about my body and the safety of having kids that I had to come to terms with. I lost friends and was backstabbed in ways that cut me deeper than they ever had before, I felt trapped and so incredibly alone and depressed. Problems popped up at every turn and there were so many times I just wanted to quit everything and give up.

If you know me personally then you might say good thing I'm a strong-willed, stubborn, never quit kind of person. No actually, better thing that I have someone stronger and more powerful than I could ever be. 

God is so much bigger than all of those things, and he is so so good. Every roadblock that seemed like it was the thing that would wreck my dreams, He showed me that it was nothing in the light of His love for me. The grace he has poured into my life is indescribable, my fears and worries remain small when I stand in His shadow, I just forget sometimes how small they truly are. 

My faith has always been something I struggled with, always comparing my Christianity to other people's. And while this year has so far been incredibly hard, it's been one that's forced me to lean on the one person that will never fail me. People will disappoint, always. No matter how much they love you they will fail you, and you will fail them, its inevitable.  But God is constant and never changing, and I hope the rest of this year next is one where I live in that truth and put every part of myself into the reality where I live that belief so loudly that I drown out the lies I've been living it. 

Everyone has a lie or multiple lies that they live in, ones that cause doubt and fear. It's one of the hardest things in the world, especially when you feel like you've already failed, but at the end of the day, that's what they are. Lies. And whatever you believe in, don't believe in those lies. There is a truth for you, you just have to seek it out. 

I'm honestly so tired of living in lies, so I'm not going to. I'm going to try my best to believe the truth, and I think you should too. Maybe you need to hear this, maybe the lies in your life are louder than the truth. Just know it's not the life you are meant for, you are a shining star that has a glorious purpose. So let's all embrace our shine with open arms yeah? 

TED talk over, just had to get that off my chest. Hopefully, I can start posting more often and get into a schedule. I've got a lot of really cool stuff coming up that I can't wait to share!

Until next time, 

Alexandria